Well, I'm annoyed by two things that sadly, dictated my current "I need a drink" state. The first is my daughter's obsession with pools. She loves water and swimming as she sees it. We hit a wading pool in play group today. My daughter basically needs a leash. One second not "on" her and she's running toward the pools repeating the word "pool, pool, pool". I drop everything and take off after her. She has a way of always finding the danger in a situation and going for it. I love it about her as a friend, but as a mom, not always so much.
So, other than one instance early on where she either tripped or decided to drink the water and subsequently submerged herself (don't worry, EMT Mom yanked her out and then calmed the following crying from the yank scare), she just wanted to be in the water all the time in Glendale's midday 90+ heat and direct sunlight. Not cool! Then it was the playground. Then the pool. Then approaching elder strangers in powered wheelchairs repeating "car car car." As hard as I try, I want the baby to understand logic, or at least, sit still for maybe 5 minutes. That actually did happen a little later on under a shady tree with the help of baby whisperer Bess Fanning.
Onto more pool drama. So, we live in a house that is surrounded by neighbors with pools. I should add that I've not seen more than one or two actual usages of said pools in over a year. So, baby R is running from one side of the yard to the other yelling "pool, pool, pool". She wants to see them. I will show her them and then I feel badly. I remember being the kid in a neighborhood of pools, wanting to swim in them and not understanding that you needed to be invited to swim. She doesn't get it. Neither did I. It makes me feel sad for her and also annoyed that I'm fighting with my nearly 15 month old whose desperately trying to scale a fence, scream with frustration, or arch her back while thrashing as I take her back into the house.
So, point one, pools. Next up is the brushing of the teeth. Jesus Christ, why did I have to read that dental care is paramount in kids? I mean, seriously, my daughter doesn't sit still before naps or bedtime. She gets cracked out and runs around avoiding anything after the bath. I have to close the door so she doesn't hightail it out of her room. Still, she runs away from me with each thing I try to do--hair combing, PJs, picking out books.
The toothbrush though is the WORST! I understand that she may not like something invading her space, but I'm not breaking her gums with force. She fights. More back arching and screaming. Tears and aggression. Quickly trying to get off the bed to the floor where more running around can continue. I'm trying to sing her into a calmer state while doing the obligatory brushing and then either hand it over to her, "Now you brush your teeth," or defer to binky, books and lights out.
Even when you get to the point of walking out of the room, which feels like a reprieve, if she cries and screams as you're doing this, it feels like nails on chalk board. I'm done, lady. I don't have more to give to this crazy behavior. In fact, I kind of need to get out of there before I blow my top.
So those two things really annoy me. I'd love feedback from other moms or dads who've had these scenarios. I get guilted into thinking I'm a shitty mom from all the progressive parenting verbiage out there. I'm doing my best, and I love that girl to the ends of the earth. Maybe that's the most annoying part, that I am trying to do my absolute best and not repeat crap I dealt with growing up and yet I feel like I never get ahead, like my inner annoyance or rage pops up at very inopportune times.
[Ed. Note: Annoyance with pools has been tapered. Toothbrushing, not so much, since the original writing of this post]
1. If what you're reading makes you feel like a shitty mom, it can't be THAT progressive.
ReplyDelete2. Tooth brushing is one of those things that comes with time. I don't think either of my kids were ready to brush their own teeth at 15 months. My youngest especially - we had to brush her teeth with water only, and then the tiniest amount of toothpaste, and she was nearly 4 years old before she started doing it herself. Her last dental visit was good, so it worked out.
3. My own approach to the psychotic screaming phase of childhood is to be as calm and straightforward with the kid as I can. It can be very difficult, but it can be liberating. "If you don't calm down and cooperate then I won't help you get dressed." And then, if they don't calm down, I leave the room. It's really OK. If she's crying and screaming, and she's safe and healthy and just having fit, you don't HAVE to do anything about it. Set your limits, tell her your limits, and follow through on them. She'll begin to understand.
4. The pool situation is tough. I like to think that I'm not a materialistic person. And then I find myself getting stressed about things my kids don't have that others do. Like pools. Or tablets. Or xBoxes. Or what have you. So there it is. But kids can't have everything they want, and we can't give them everything they want, and really we shouldn't be trying to give them EVERYTHING they want. But when they really want something, it can be hard to remember that.
5. You're doing a good job.
best wishes,
-tk
Not sure if it makes you feel any better, but I honestly didn't start brushing my teeth or taking my vitamins until like 5th grade. . .seriously. I hated doing both so much, I would hide the vitamins in my mouth and then go to the bathroom after eating so I could spit them in the toilet.
ReplyDeleteI would then proceed to rub my toothbrush across my finger tip so it made the sound and my mother would think I was brushing. I of course always put it under water when I was done so it would appear used.
In the end, all those teeth were pulled (neither Sarah nor I lost our teeth as we had such deep roots), and I've never had a cavity. I believe this is probably more to do with heredity than with anything else though.
Kids scream, and in my experience as a nanny, sometimes you just need to let them have it out with themselves. It can be really hurtful to hear that from one you love, but in the end, they do learn limits and boundaries. And at the end of the day, you can only have a screaming child beside you for so long before you start screaming. . .so it's better to let them get over it while by themselves than both of you lose it together. I'm sure it's not what you really want to hear, but they do eventually calm down.